Sad Math

My interest in physics, mathematics, theories of consciousness, as well as in the visualization of information systems, serves as inspiration for my art.  Unfortunately, a total understanding of these subjects would require an immense scientific background, which I do not posses.  Unable to find the time to devote my life to mastering these sciences, I settle for endless Internet searches, trying to gain knowledge.  But I find that my computer is too fast and I am bombarded with theories and data.  I try to hold on to the bits of information.  I take notes.  I lose my notes.  I go back, wanting more knowledge.  But my life gets in the way and my fifteen-minute increments at the computer never seem to equal a greater understanding of anything. Instead, the gathered research from the Internet invades my subconscious where it festers and makes strange, new connections.  Grabbing my mechanical pencil I try to pull it out, but all that comes out is zeros.